Post-Divorce Glow Up: Divorce Isn’t Always Suffering
Divorce is often talked about as if it’s the worst thing that can happen to a person. A personal bankruptcy, and truly one of the last taboos. The crazy thing is, I went through a bankruptcy and a divorce at the same time, so I can actually compare the two, lol! The story is usually the same: emotional wreckage, financial drama, and kids caught somewhere in the middle between two bickering parents.
The mom is supposedly left picking up the pieces, while the ex happily moves on with someone who doesn’t even know what a ‘landline phone’ is.
That’s the classic script. Except… when I look around me, I see something completely different happening. And yes, in my own life too.
I’m Lies. Mom of two boys. Six months divorced, a new partner, and a week-on, week-off arrangement. I stayed in our house, thanks to an advance on my inheritance (thanks mom!). My ex rents an apartment 500 meters away. Which is practical. Very practical indeed. Maybe sometimes a bit too practical. Because 500 meters also means the doorbell occasionally rings unexpectedly because he was “just in the neighborhood anyway.” Turns out a kid-week officially ends, but practically sometimes has a little epilogue. But anyway. Those are details. Because the bigger picture looks pretty damn good.
So what do you see, Lies? Tell us, for all the doubters out there! Yes, I think you should get divorced, and here’s why.
The glow up nobody tells you about—except everyone on TikTok
There really is such a thing as a post-divorce glow up. Not just the kind you see on TikTok with new haircuts and sunny photos, but a much quieter version. But here are a few examples anyway.
It starts with something I hadn’t felt in a long time: breathing room.
When a relationship that’s been straining for a long time drops away, something changes in your mind. It’s as if space suddenly opens up. Space to think, to make plans, to feel who you are again without everything revolving around a relationship that no longer works. The moment I said, “I really don’t see this working anymore, and I think you don’t either,” a thousand kilograms lifted off my shoulders.
For years, you live in the logistics of a family. Who picks up the kids? Who cooks? Who remembers tomorrow is gym class? The household runs, the schedule is packed, and somewhere along the way, you get so used to that structure that you almost forget there’s a version of yourself outside of those roles. When I hear other couples say, “We’re such a well-oiled machine,” I secretly think something is wrong and that marriage won’t last much longer.
But I digress—after a divorce, that lost part of you slowly surfaces again. You’re also still a woman outside of all those other roles. More than that, you’re a MILF! And realizing that feels amazing. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it dramatic. It just trickles in, little by little.
Parenting becomes surprisingly lighter
What surprised me most was how parenting changed.
With a week-on, week-off schedule, the weeks with the kids are much more intentional. I’m truly present. Not half-distracted by tensions lingering in the house. Not occupied with a relationship that takes more energy than it gives. Fox and César get my full attention now. We do things we actually want to do, we laugh more, and the atmosphere feels less heavy. And because I can recharge during my child-free week, I can be fully present when they come back. The noise, the chaos, the hugs… I actually enjoy it more than before.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely
I read recently that many parents struggle with the week without their kids. That they count down the days until they return and their house feels empty. I get that. I really do. But I don’t fully relate. Yes, in that week, I’m alone. But lonely? No.
Being alone simply means there are no children in the house. Being lonely is the feeling that nobody cares about you. Those are two completely different things.
In my child-free week, a silence falls that I might have been a bit afraid of before. Now, that silence feels like a luxury.
I can take a long shower without someone yelling about where their hockey socks are. I can watch a series without someone having to go pee three times. I can call a friend without spreading butter on sandwiches at the same time. Sometimes I don’t even cook. I eat sushi. Or cereal for dinner, or twenty Chocotoffs—and it’s bliss!
And nobody calls me out on it. An unexpected form of adult freedom.
The peace that suddenly returns
There’s something else that often changes after a divorce, but few people talk about it: peace.
Many women spend years feeling like they have to carry everything: the household, the planning, the emotions, the atmosphere at home. Sometimes even their partner. At a certain point, you just take off that armor. Only then do you realize how much energy it took to hold everything together.
That peace is perhaps the biggest surprise. Although it should theoretically be harder to do everything alone, I don’t experience it that way at all. Just knowing that I alone am responsible for everything… gives me peace.
Have I cursed at things? Oh, absolutely! But over the past few weeks, I’ve learned how to drain a septic pit (and who to call for it), how to cut wood with a chainsaw, the difference between a residual current device and a regular fuse, and how to tackle the edges of my garden with a brush cutter.
I am my own alpha male!
Maybe I hope my ex-partner never reads this (or maybe I hope he does, so it’s useful for the next girlfriend), but the only thing I sometimes miss is a loaded dishwasher without having to think about it, and windshield washer fluid in my car. Other than that? Absolutely nothing. Quite crazy after being together for 14 years. For instance, I do NOT miss the endless ground-meat meals.
But divorce is still a "failure," right?
Our culture still likes to portray divorce as a personal failure. As a sad story. What’s rarely said is that a marriage can also be the place where someone slowly shrinks. Where ambitions fade, and where you lose yourself somewhere along the way.
Not every marriage is like that. Fortunately. But some are.
And in that case, divorce isn’t a disaster. It’s oxygen.
Communication: what it all comes down to
If I’ve learned one thing from my divorce, it’s this: everything rises or falls with communication. Which happens to be the exact thing my marriage didn’t excel at.
We talked, sure. But mostly only when it was functional. Practical stuff. Who picks up the kids? Who gets groceries? Who books the dentist? The kind of conversations that feel like just another item on an already endless to-do list.
Often it was less about listening and more about being right. A verbal game of ping-pong where nobody really wins.
Since the divorce, communication is still important. Maybe even more so. With a week-on, week-off schedule, you simply have to coordinate. About school, hobbies, doctors, lost gym bags, and suddenly appearing dress-up parties nobody knew about.
And yes, sometimes those moments are a bit uncomfortable. Or painful. That’s just part of two people reorganizing their lives.
Let me be clear: I’m not going to turn my ex into a big talker. Some personality traits don’t suddenly change after signing a paper.
But what I can do is make it as easy as possible.
Clear agreements help. Structure helps. And making life as little complicated for each other as possible helps most of all.
That’s why I’m really glad we use CoFamly. It’s an app specifically made for co-parents who live apart. Sounds very practical—and it is—but that’s its strength.
All agreements about the kids are in one place. The calendar, important documents, medical info, school moments… everything is together. No endless WhatsApp messages, no arguments about who said what or when something was planned.
It removes a huge amount of noise from communication.
And that makes life a bit easier for everyone. For us, but especially for the kids. Because in the end, that’s still what it’s all about: ensuring they feel good in two homes that are simply both their home.
And if an app can help make that a little calmer and clearer? I call that a small victory.
Conclusion
Would I recommend divorce? Yep! But no, I’m not going to romanticize it—it’s effing hard, but it’s worth it, if only for the freedom to eat cereal for dinner every now and then.
And now, just let me be a MILF for a bit.
Co-Parenting: How to Turn Two Homes into One Stable World for Your Children (Tips!)
A divorce is rarely simple. And even when love is gone, parenting doesn’t stop, of course. On the contrary: for many parents, a new phase begins where working together becomes more important than ever. Throw in a new partner, potential stepchildren, a dog that has to travel back and forth, and you’re left with… a schedule you’ll definitely have to stick to.
For many parents, co-parenting initially feels like a logistical puzzle that never quite fits. Calendars that don’t align. Discussions about who drives when. Uncertainty about rules in the other house: “What do you mean you get to stay up late there?” And meanwhile, you’re just trying to find some peace in your own life that’s been turned completely upside down.
For children, it’s often a period of adjustment. Two bedrooms. Two routines. Sometimes different rules. And above all: the feeling of constantly having to switch between two worlds. Some kids quiet down. Others push boundaries. Some try to protect their parents by saying nothing, while struggling inside with missing how things used to be… and that is completely normal.
And parents? They often struggle with the same questions. How do you make your child feel safe in two homes? Are they happy? How do you communicate with someone you just broke up with and whom you’d rather not see for a while? And how do you prevent every small arrangement from turning into a fight? Because believe us, the differences will become even more pronounced. Sometimes you’ll think: why was I ever in love with this person?
Still, co-parenting doesn’t have to be an endless battle. With clear agreements, a bit of structure, and a shared focus on the kids, it can really work well.
Here are eight tips that help many parents make the transition to co-parenting much smoother:
Put agreements in writing as specifically as possible (or in an app!) One of the biggest frustrations in co-parenting? Ambiguity. Who brings the kids to school? Who manages hobbies? What happens when someone needs to swap a weekend? How are holidays or special events handled? In the beginning, many parents think they’ll "just work it out as they go." In practice, that often creates frustration. Don't do it! Clear agreements make good ex-partners and good parents. By putting things on paper, you avoid differences in interpretation. It’s not about mistrust, but about clarity. A shared calendar or app can be a lifesaver here. > “We thought we’d figure it out along the way. But it only caused arguments. Ever since everything is in a shared calendar, it’s been much more peaceful.” – Tom, dad of two > > “How clearer the agreements, the less energy you waste on small discussions.” – Liesbeth, mom of three
Realize that an arrangement is allowed to change What works today might not work in two years. Kids grow up. Hobbies change. Work schedules shift.
Lies, mom of two: “For us, it’s switching on Sundays. I honestly hate it! Sunday is family time, and now it feels rushed. From next school year, I want to switch on Monday evenings.”
It helps to regularly review whether everything still fits. Involving children in that conversation can also be valuable—not to make them choose, but to hear how they experience things. > “In the beginning I found it hard to always switch homes. But when my parents asked how it felt for me and we could tweak small things, it actually became much nicer.” – Lotte (15) > > “You sometimes have to dare to admit that an arrangement doesn’t work. That’s not a failure, that’s just course-correcting.” – David, dad of one monster
Communicate like business partners working on a project Emotions run high after a split, but when it comes to the kids, keep communication as practical as possible. View it as a partnership: two people responsible for the same project—their children. Keep messages brief, clear, and focused on solutions.
Separate the ex-partner from the parent Maybe your ex was a poor partner for you, but that doesn’t automatically make them a poor parent. Learning to separate the failed relationship from the ongoing parenting role is one of the most powerful steps toward peace. > “Your child gains nothing if you remain stuck in the past.” – Peter, dad of two
Make financial agreements that feel clear and fair Money is a major trigger for conflict. Create a clear budget/list: school expenses, sports, medical bills, and unexpected costs. Transparency prevents small expenses from escalating into massive arguments. > “We simply made a list: mama pays this, papa pays this, and we share this. Since then, there are almost no discussions anymore.” – Marijke, mom of two
Agree in advance on how to introduce new partners New relationships are part of starting over. Discuss beforehand how and when a new partner will be introduced to the children so nobody is caught off guard. > “My parents discussed together first when I would meet the new partner. Because of that, it felt less weird.” – Noah (13) > > “Introduce them carefully to your children, and only introduce them to your ex when it’s truly serious. Anything before that is asking for trouble.” – Anneke, mom of two
Let your inner circle know the war is over Friends and family naturally side with you, but badmouthing the ex in front of the kids creates loyalty conflicts. Politely ask your loved ones to keep things constructive for the children’s sake. > “We told our family: you can think whatever you want, but for the children, we will keep working together. That made a huge difference.” – Karen, mom of two
Model the behavior you want to receive If you want flexibility and understanding from your ex, show it yourself first. Trust grows through small, consistent actions: keeping promises, showing respect, and giving space. > “It sometimes feels like a collaboration you didn’t choose, but the better you work together, the easier it gets.” – Lore, single mom of two boys
Two homes, one safe foundation
Co-parenting is a journey. Sometimes it flows, sometimes it’s tough. But when parents keep their shared focus on what their children need, two separate houses can easily become one stable, loving foundation.
